Sorry AGAIN for the lack of posts. Still feeling awful lately. Bleh.
Well I'd made it 5 days pull-free, then messed up a little, then made it two days, then messed up a little again, then made it almost a day.. and pulled out 85-90% of my progress. Big UGH! I'm trying to not let it get me down, through. I know it's just another hurdle in my path, and I know that I CAN do this. I still think that the NAC is helping. Though my urges aren't gone, they are surely not as strong as usual and I'm finding it much easier to go longer amounts of time without pulling. Unfortunately, once I start stopping is nearly impossible. I had some fantastic progress growing, my boyfriend was starting to notice them. I hate the fact that I can't just have my eyelashes and not want to tear them out. It's really just not fair.
I can understand that it isn't my fault, and I accept that. But I still sometimes (just like many of you'd, I'd guess) like to throw myself a little pity party and say I don't deserve this. It could be worse. It could be a terminal illness, it could be a severe physical disability. I get that. It doesn't make it any easier to have Trichotillomania. I am open about it here and with my boyfriend to an extent. Other than that, I am very private about it. It's mine, something that I don't want people involved in. But it feels good to write it out, in a sense. Mostly because I don't fear judgment here. And reading e-mails from people who say I am touching their lives in a small way is more gratifying than I can explain. It makes me want to strive to do better. And I will.
Goodnight guys, I'll be posting soon.
Savannah
A Trichy Life
Well I'd made it 5 days pull-free, then messed up a little, then made it two days, then messed up a little again, then made it almost a day.. and pulled out 85-90% of my progress. Big UGH! I'm trying to not let it get me down, through. I know it's just another hurdle in my path, and I know that I CAN do this. I still think that the NAC is helping. Though my urges aren't gone, they are surely not as strong as usual and I'm finding it much easier to go longer amounts of time without pulling. Unfortunately, once I start stopping is nearly impossible. I had some fantastic progress growing, my boyfriend was starting to notice them. I hate the fact that I can't just have my eyelashes and not want to tear them out. It's really just not fair.
I can understand that it isn't my fault, and I accept that. But I still sometimes (just like many of you'd, I'd guess) like to throw myself a little pity party and say I don't deserve this. It could be worse. It could be a terminal illness, it could be a severe physical disability. I get that. It doesn't make it any easier to have Trichotillomania. I am open about it here and with my boyfriend to an extent. Other than that, I am very private about it. It's mine, something that I don't want people involved in. But it feels good to write it out, in a sense. Mostly because I don't fear judgment here. And reading e-mails from people who say I am touching their lives in a small way is more gratifying than I can explain. It makes me want to strive to do better. And I will.
Goodnight guys, I'll be posting soon.
Savannah
A Trichy Life
Hi Savannah! Good luck with your pulling. I'm 23 and having been pulling from my scalp since I was 12. How old are you?
ReplyDeleteHi Heather. I am eighteen years old. I've been pulling since I was just about two. Nice to meet you!
ReplyDeleteSavannah
A Trichy Life
I know; it's so hard and time consuming. Very hard for others to understand how exhausting the battle is. And I struggle with those same thoughts, that it could be something way worse. I pulled out a bunch of my bottom lashes last week and I felt the same - I get so mad at myself and feel so depressed and disappointed at starting all over again. I think we are probably very hard on ourselves because we feel like we should be able to control it. I wish there was a magic pill to take. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. Don't apologize for missing a post. You will do what you can when you can. You're doing a great job so far!
ReplyDelete-Lisa
Anonymous: It is.I think you should start trying to say to yourself: "Okay, I pulled, but I did a really good job not pulling the past (however many) days/hours, lets see how long I can go this time!" Thank you for your encouragement. Best of luck to you with your journey. :)
ReplyDelete